Do you like me now?

I'm so tired these days, and I can't help feeling shitty about myself. I still feel that I'm not good enough, I'm not attractive enough, blablabla.

Feels like people don't seem to have the time for me, even though sometimes I do know they're really busy. Feels like people are living in their own shared time, but I' living in a time that doesn't resonate with theirs. Feels like people rather hang out with others than myself. Feels like people are getting further and further away from me. Feels like I should start feeling contented alone.

I think I'm just paranoid.

Why do I do that? Why did I do that?

Went down to Raindrops cafe last night for a drink or two. Pretty decent place, and I like the ambiance there. Multiple thumbs up.



It is quite heart-wrenching to see my friends cry, because I know there's nothing I can do to help them. We've probably made so many mistakes in life that we regret doing, and there are times you know you've been given chances to make things right, but instead of putting things in order, you worsened the situation. Then there are times when we've put down our pride to make things right but we're denied for even just one chance.

Do you know that

You can say no to certain drugs pharmacies gives you? Haha, I didnt take lozenges and painkillers today when I visited the doctor. That's saving up $5! :D

Tangled hearts

It caught my attention when they were talking about parnet-child relationships and stuff. I thought parts of what they were saying were ridiculous, even though it's not that hard to believe anyway. I just didn't want to think about it, after all, I think it's natural for us to look after our parents when they're older. It's family after all, and "Family means not leaving one behind".

I checked my tonsils this morning. It was curdling up lotsa deposits and curling into a grotesque form. Almost like a demonic infestation inside me, pretty much gross. I just wanna scrape that shit off.

We're just breakable girls and boys.

Oh the worst feeling ever is wanting to puke, but you can't puke shit. I puked out some blood just now, and liquid, I think it's water and the gastric juices (smells really bad). Now I can't focus in class.

On the side note, have you ever thought about what protect our hearts?

Bloody Tonsils

When I tell my background to others, they always thought that the more they find out about me, the more they think life's been unfair to me, and that it's hard for me. I wouldn't want to think that life's been hard on me, I guess I'm lucky enough to have a family and close friends anyways. Even though I feel detached from 'em sometimes, but it's just another passing feeling, since I prefer to be alone most of the times.

And I don't like it when people pity me. I tell you not to get pity from you, it just shows how I trust you as a friend (but most of the times, I tell stories only 'cause I'm intoxicated -.- lucky bitches). So don't do that, 'cause I think it's condescending.

Anyway, I was brushing my tonsils and I scraped out a piece of the "stones" there on the walls. Looks fucking gross and smells really bad. But I have bleeding tonsils now 'cause of it. Ergh. Feels so much better though.

I just want to see you.