Do you like me now?

I'm so tired these days, and I can't help feeling shitty about myself. I still feel that I'm not good enough, I'm not attractive enough, blablabla.

Feels like people don't seem to have the time for me, even though sometimes I do know they're really busy. Feels like people are living in their own shared time, but I' living in a time that doesn't resonate with theirs. Feels like people rather hang out with others than myself. Feels like people are getting further and further away from me. Feels like I should start feeling contented alone.

I think I'm just paranoid.

Why do I do that? Why did I do that?

Went down to Raindrops cafe last night for a drink or two. Pretty decent place, and I like the ambiance there. Multiple thumbs up.



It is quite heart-wrenching to see my friends cry, because I know there's nothing I can do to help them. We've probably made so many mistakes in life that we regret doing, and there are times you know you've been given chances to make things right, but instead of putting things in order, you worsened the situation. Then there are times when we've put down our pride to make things right but we're denied for even just one chance.

Do you know that

You can say no to certain drugs pharmacies gives you? Haha, I didnt take lozenges and painkillers today when I visited the doctor. That's saving up $5! :D

Tangled hearts

It caught my attention when they were talking about parnet-child relationships and stuff. I thought parts of what they were saying were ridiculous, even though it's not that hard to believe anyway. I just didn't want to think about it, after all, I think it's natural for us to look after our parents when they're older. It's family after all, and "Family means not leaving one behind".

I checked my tonsils this morning. It was curdling up lotsa deposits and curling into a grotesque form. Almost like a demonic infestation inside me, pretty much gross. I just wanna scrape that shit off.

We're just breakable girls and boys.

Oh the worst feeling ever is wanting to puke, but you can't puke shit. I puked out some blood just now, and liquid, I think it's water and the gastric juices (smells really bad). Now I can't focus in class.

On the side note, have you ever thought about what protect our hearts?

Bloody Tonsils

When I tell my background to others, they always thought that the more they find out about me, the more they think life's been unfair to me, and that it's hard for me. I wouldn't want to think that life's been hard on me, I guess I'm lucky enough to have a family and close friends anyways. Even though I feel detached from 'em sometimes, but it's just another passing feeling, since I prefer to be alone most of the times.

And I don't like it when people pity me. I tell you not to get pity from you, it just shows how I trust you as a friend (but most of the times, I tell stories only 'cause I'm intoxicated -.- lucky bitches). So don't do that, 'cause I think it's condescending.

Anyway, I was brushing my tonsils and I scraped out a piece of the "stones" there on the walls. Looks fucking gross and smells really bad. But I have bleeding tonsils now 'cause of it. Ergh. Feels so much better though.

I just want to see you.

If you wouldn't mind me,

NEW SKETCHBOOK FUCK YEA! :D

The bottom of Pandora's box.

As I walked through Brighton Crescent's area tonight with Baby Rae, I wondered if I would ever live in a private estate in my "dream house". After all, as middle-income earners, we'll always be earning only enough to make ends meet, and our savings will be minimal. Climbing the corporate ladder will take years of effort. We'll always be so far away from the so called "financial freedom". It's not that a luxurious and glamorous lifestyle is the way to go, but I always believe that people work towards "financial freedom" so that they're able to invest more time into their own passion, family and friends.

Many people say that entrepreneurship and business rolls in big money, which is one of the pathway towards financial freedom. But even so, you need to have a monetary capital, no matter the size of the business. It'll be hard to start a business, even if it is in the simplest form. Time and monetary investments requires alot of consideration and weighing of the pros and cons before they could actually start it. If the business fail, then it's just a big loss and they're back to square one. And this is for just the middle-income family. Needless to say, it's unimaginable what tough lives people from the low-income family goes through every single day. Without luck, what the low-income family go through will be but a vicious cycle of society's cruelty.

Having said that, I know there is hope. I know of a lot of angels out there helping people, and these angels are gonna start a new generation of heroes, no matter how small their contribution may be.

I was working this other day, and I saw this elderly man struggling to hang the Singapore flag at midnight, and I was thinking to myself why he'd push himself so much to finish a job when he could do it the next day. He had a bandage over an injury over his knee, and had difficulty carrying his tools while climbing up the ladder. Of course, I offered to help with Dave, but it just makes me feel sad that he has to work despite his age and the late hours.

Can I just say, and I'm just being honest

that I feel so old, because I can never withstand long days active for more than 16hours a day.

Let's just pray

I'm gonna stick to this momentum to just keep going. And honestly, NS may make a boy a man, or prepare you for the working society, or lets you understand how the outside world is like, or understand discipline, or make one feel more attached to Singapore, or to prepare us (boys & men) to defend Singapore,

I don't see a fucking point when all of the above statement doesn't even work out to half the people who went NS. Singapore has no need to be defended, because after all, there's a dwindling local population with a diabolic infestation of foreigners, it's probably less than 50% of the whole population is defending Singapore when that happens. Afterall, there are 974 males per 1000 females in Singapore population in 2010. Maybe about 10% are foreigners coming from all over the place. So that leaves with less than 50% of the population defending Singapore. And I haven't counted in those who're not-fit-to-serve-the-country (which includes the elderly, so,

WE'RE FUCKED ANYWAYS WHY BOTHER D:

Even foreigners are overrunning our parameters... What amazing spies they are. Told'ya we're doomed.

Abyssal fart?

I feel like I've been sucked into a flux vortex and I'm being flung about like a rag doll. I don't even know what the fuck I'm doing (especially in school). I feel like I'm wasting my life away while others are on a constant move to a destination they envisioned. Gotta meet the Dean (I think?) or the course manager with Mom and Mr Leong to see what they can do for me.


"And twenty thousand rocks dislodged themselves from a sturdy cliff and flew, rolled, tumbled... crashed down upon her."


Whaddafuck I don't wanna meet because you know they don't work out at all. And no I doubt there's anything you could do for me when I am feeling too lost. The only question running on my mind is "Shall I quit school and go NS?", which the following question will pop-up "If I do, what's next?". I feel like Sun Wu Kong under the Five-fingers mountain. There's this huge amount of stress amassing from the lecturers and parents I figured as much they're gonna escalate my anxiety and stress in me as much as they wanted to help.

I wouldn't know what to say when I'm meeting the three 'em demons. Probably just gon' say my prayers and pray they end the session quick.

Can't draw shiet zzz

Nu' tin' 's ever e' nuff, s', fuck 'tis 'n make merry \m/

Everything ran on nigga-watts.

I've been cutting down a lot on smoking. Then I realised that I didn't exactly cut down, because I'm just raising my no. of sticks a day and lowering it. But at this point of time, I'm really really bent on cutting down on cigarettes because I don't want it to hinder me singing :P Also, because I've met someone new.


Interviewed for DFS and hopefully my schedule next month will be just a perfect one so that I could work at DFS. Then again it's no rush, because my holidays are coming anyway, I'll be free to get a new job then.


I realised that I don't gossip/bitch about things that much anymore. Oh shiet. D:

Someone's crying.

"Did you realise how sadly you call the name of a man so distant from you, in the past? "

I've been through so many meetings and partings. They're like a heavy secret, but when I started to talk about them, they seem to sparkle, and I couldn't put them into words.

You spin me around so fast that I always wake up dizzy.

I discovered a lot of cute boys recently. Does this mean I've a wider range of taste now, or I'm goddamn desperate?

Nomnomnom

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"Fuck" cause this is a bitchy post

So, what's the big hype about a single word? It's immature to judge a person because of what choice of words she use. Besides, you've got to really give it to her that she can connect with the audience much better than any other speakers I've seen, and that statement was really apt and packs a punch.

There're a lot of comments about her saying that she's the valedictorian, she's a graduate she should choose her words wisely, she's rude, there's an appropriate time for appropriate words, she's this and she's that but I don't think at all her choice of words make her who she is. She carries herself well enough to meet the "standards" in giving a speech and whatever she says must definitely be heartfelt. You could see the excitement, how she fidgets a little when she talks about personal stuff, how she couldn't stop smiling even though she is in front of a huge audience. I say she's really good, fuck yea ;D

After all, it's not your convocation, it's not your speech, so why bother? And to those people who says "future employers, watch out where your student come from", "so this is what kind of students NTU nurtures, i will not send my child to this school", "no wonder Singapore is far from a first class country" :

What the fuck?

'nuff said because any persons who read critically at what you're saying will know that you're going to the extreme at pre-judging, and that is ridiculous. I wonder why your employer actually employs you for such shallow thoughts, what your schools teach you to be this way, and oh, because of you and your "similar kind of people" who have to find something to complain, going to the furthest corner you can find for criticisms to be crazy-assed distorted from what you really feel, no wonder Singapore is far from a first class country.

Haha 'nuff said 'nuff said 'nuff said, so bitchy today.