Kiss the rain, just fucking kiss it.

Why can't you just stop thinking so much, stop feeling pathetic about yourself and learn to live life as it is? If you have the courage to take on the pills and hold that blade, why can't you channel those courage into accepting change and making your life better? There's Gotta Be More To Life, if you haven't heard that song yet.

If you can't take the pain of it anymore, then, share it with someone you trust alot. Don't go bearing the weight of the burden all by yourself. Cheesy as it sounds, that's what friends are for, right?

There'll be days like this, when rain seems to wash away everything, but there're some things that will be washed away only if you let it. There are some things that'll be gone before you could even reach and drag it back, but rain will never be able to wash away your heart and your soul. If there are days that make you feel that rain is washing away everything, look right back at you and you'll see that there are still things even more precious than those you've lost, and those are the days when you have all the more reason to say, "Thank you", because there is nothing more beautiful than the way oceans refuses to kiss the shoreline no matter how many times they've been sent away.

If there are days when you feel that the rain is nothing more but a mockery from heaven, beating down on you because of you losing things you deem as important, and you're up to your knees and disappointment, Thank the rain for coming down because, rain is just washing away your tears, and it is a good thing tears never show in the pouring rain. If the rain is mocking you, that's because you let it. The rain is nothing more but a gift of life from heaven, so don't think otherwise, because the rain is you.

Fragile Shit.

iPhone is so fragile, I swear on my life I'm not getting an iphone again, unless I have the moolah. It dropped. I don't mind a cracked screen, but a few tiny pieces of its innards fell out and bitch can't be switched on anymore. It dieddddddd R.I.H to my iphone. R.I.H means Rest in Hell actually.

Fuck Apple for coming up with these fragile shit. I remember my friend's Macbook AIR snapped into 2 parts. And it wasn't even equal parts. Oh yea, the money invested into that Macbook just vanished into thin air alright. Neat shit? Fuck you, Apple.

I want to change to black fucking berry.

Sometimes I feel fake, smiling and joking all the time. Then again, there's no point showing your unhappiness and disapppointment to those around you. It doesn't do anything. Also, I need to stop procrastinating.

I can't wait for Japanese language class tomorrow, and I hope the teacher is some cute shit. I don't want an old hag for the lesson. Also, I think I will try to keep my excitement to myself, I might just drain the energy from people around being so energetic.

And yes, I'll start posting some visuals again (don't criticize too harshly, I'm just an amateur =[ ). Meanwhile, just think about the following question:

Who are you?

Done deal.

At some point, I knew I need to stop and walk away. It's not like I've given up and shouldn't try again. There's a difference between determination and desperation. What is mine will truly be mine someday, and what is not will never be, no matter how hard I try.

Sometimes I wonder if it has anything got to do with me. Am I just not hot enough? Am I not lean enough? Am I too skinny, or am I too fat? Am I ugly because I'm scarred above my eyebrow, or was it my nose that is too big? Is it because of how effeminate I sound when I talk, or is it because of my effeminate behaviour? Am I too loud, or am I too quiet and boring? I know that'll be a vicious cycle, but I know I'll try to change without losing who I am.

Then again, I have much better things to do than wasting time on things that stops me from moving forward. Right now, I'm just excited and I can't wait for that to get started :-)

It's just hard to tell someone you really like them a lot, but at the same time be gentlemen about it. I'm alright if they don't like me, it's just so hard for me to tell them, and seeing them makong out with someone like me hurts me, despite knowong we're not together and tgey're not obliged to behave like one that belongs to me alone. Yes i do get jealous but I am but human. I only blame myself for being unable to convey my feelings to the other party.

I hate myself for leaving him in the party and not sending him home, but I cannpt bring myself to see more of the kissing action. I am a coward, aint I?

At this moment, I can't help but feel thankful to have a sister whom I feel so close with. Despite the cold shoulders we have for each other, I know she cares for me a lot, for she was the one who pulled my body off the ledge, even to the point of shouting at those who taunt me to jump. She was the only one in my true family to come to my rescue without question or doubts. I do love her a lot, and I hope I had more to offer her for her help.

I love her, and I do hope to stop depending on her, as well as my other family members. Hopefully, things take a better turn.

Who's that Pokemon? It's Koffing and Weezing!

I've been coughing like a little bitch and this is not good. I have so many things to do but I'm just this sick little bitch so I shan't do anything for these few days, lest I cough out blood.

I've realised a lot of things these few days :

- I've been a meal or less everyday.

- I've lost a lot of mass, about 8kg since last year.

- As much as I say that I'll retract from moving deeper into love once I figure something is wrong, I still won't. This motherfucker is just addicted to the feeling of having butterflies in the stomach.

- I think I'm very forgiving and trustful, either that or I just don't give a shit anymore.

- Anime characters have fucking 100 gallons of blood in their body. It just can't seem to run out.

- People start guessing me at an older range, initinally 18-22 age range, occasionally 25/26. Now people will start their guessing game from 25 onwards.

- I procrastinate a lot, and this is fucking bad.

- I no longer make breakfast/lunch/dinner for my crush. Neither do I brew herbal tea, sugared honey drinks. I'll probably never deliver random gifts or food to their doorsteps anymore, unless this someone is worth doing all these things for.

and maybe a cupla of other stuff but I just can't seem to remember any anyway. Lotsa reflection to do, but first I'll just try and get better.